Sometimes I get tired of pins and needles, facades are a fire on the skin..

I am going to preface this blog by stating that I don't want help, I don't want sympathy, I don't want to talk about it, I don't even want compassion. If you loathe me, continue to fucking loathe me. What I do want is understanding. I am writing this blog, against my better judgement, as a way to vent my feelings and warn anyone who reads this that I am going to be on edge for sometime. So instead of keeping it a secret and waiting for something to go wrong before I sit down and write this, I am just going to get it out of the way now, because truthfully I can't handle much more bullshit than what I am already dealing with.

I can't sleep for shit anymore. I don't know if I am sick or not, but my tonsils are literally touching. Throughout the night I wake up unable to breath. My sleep apnea has been a problem in the past, but never this consistently.

I eventually gave up on trying to sleep and made my way down stairs to spend some time with my family before Zach heads back to college. Instead of this, I am informed that my Great Aunt Flo has died. I know it sounds weird, but I got to know her better than some of my actual grandparents, because they all died when I was much younger. The news upset me, but I guess it annoyed me more than anything else. And here is why.

The day before Thanksgiving my mom received a phone call informing her that she has breast cancer in both breasts. My family has been living in a somewhat numb manner. I personally have revisited some old habits that I am not proud of and coupled that with getting very drunk and very high. This may be why I can't sleep so well. I have literally abused my body to the core every night since we got the news.

This week will start the hell that is the reality of living with a cancer patient. Delegating my time was a hard enough task when I only had to worry about the band, school and working. And working happened so scarcely that it really didn't consume much time. But now I have to make time to take my mom to doctors and all that shit, and I lot of things are going to have to take the back seat.

So like I said at the beginning of this blog, I am only looking for understanding through all of this. Thanks for your time.

We've got the dream alive in us.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that this blog is gonna be about what has been going on today.

First and foremost, I just want to start off by saying that I am blown away about how positively the split, and more importantly, the cause are being received. It is truly amazing how a community can pull together for a cause like this and spread it like wild fire.

Which brings me to what I really want to talk about in this blog.

A few years ago, you would hear people saying the scene on Long Island is dead. I must admit that I agreed with that statement. But you no longer hear people say that anymore. Is it because more bands are writing music from an admirable place? Perhaps that has something to do with it. But I think it is something much deeper than that.

What I realized today is that the morale of the scene is a lot stronger than it was a few years ago. And I think it has to do with bands trying to support other bands again, just as much as I think it is fans taking a proactive approach and really getting involved, creating a dynamic between bands and fans that is more like a family. Today I noticed 4 bands, Life Between Sleep, Giants at Large, With The Punches and A Loss For Words all post about the split for Mitch. It made me ecstatic. Because for the first time in a long time, bands are supporting bands, fans are supporting bands and bands are supporting fans.

I think it is this dynamic that is necessary to keep the scene on Long Island thriving. If we can keep rivalries to a low and support at a high, there is no reason for the scene to ever die again.

If you haven't already, check out this split, and try to give a little. If you can't give, spread the word.

Thank you all so much.

<3

http://music.meadowbrookrecords.com/album/for-our-friend-mitch

You let me down for the last time, truth prevails, and there's nothing you can hide. And I wash my hands of you, getting on with my life.

It has been almost a month since I posted a blog entry. I do recall a few times that I attempted at writing something, but a lot of the time it just kind of felt contrived and selfish, so I opted out of ever finishing them. However, I do feel it is healthy for me to post in here, so if this is nothing more than a bunch of ramblings (which most of these posts are), at least I wrote something.

College life still doesn't seem to be working out for me. I feel like I am always being consumed by a cluster fuck of papers and exams. I am doing well on most of these, I just kind of really need a moment to breath. I am always worrying about deadlines, and I get so caught up with other things that I kind of lose sight of the point of all of this, which makes completing these tasks so much more difficult. My social life at Hofstra has taken a turn for the better though. I have been hanging out on campus a lot more and I have met some really interesting people who aren't totally brain dead, a quality that is hard to come by in this school. So if anything, at least I am having a good time.

Bellwether just bought a van. I am pretty stoked to tour this winter. If anything, I am just excited to be away from Long Island for a bit. Of course playing music with the guys is the number one most important thing, I just feel like I haven't gotten away in awhile. The past few out of state shows were great. I had a blast in MA and VA, and I can't wait to do it again.

I have recently been talking to this girl Molly. I am pleased to say that we are building the foundations of what I hope will be a healthy relationship in any sense. I still have a lot to learn about her, and I am excited to take the plunge. The fact that she is intelligent, caring, funny, modest, open minded and mature is such a breath of fresh air. And I couldn't ask for it at a better time. I don't know what will come of all of this. It is difficult being in a touring band and having a stable relationship back at home, but she seems really special. I mean she has me talking in hashtags all the time. But regardless of what happens, I am happy to say that she is in my life.

I have been a little more stable recently. I have stopped going out of my way to make myself crazy. I don't know why, but for a long time I felt the need to continuously search for information that no longer concerns me but bothered me as if it still did. I needed to move on, and it took me awhile, but I am finally done and over it. I am defiantly in a better place now.

I guess that sums it up. I get to see Hannah for a bit tomorrow. I am very stoked. I miss her like hell.