I guess aside from the 2 recent deaths in my family, which I am not going to get into cause I wasn't terribly close with either of my now late relatives, the biggest news in my life is my new life path. I have officially decided against being a music major and am now pursuing english.
Thinking back to high school, its almost scary how dead set I was on studying music academically, and how quickly that changed when I started college. I guess most of it is the fault of the people in the Hofstra Music Department. I can't explain why, but all of them have this superiority complex. Faculty and students a like, they are all a bunch of pretentious fucks.
Lets get real for a second. You are in the Hofstra Music Department, you are by no means special. You aren't even in an actual music conservatory. You have no right to feel more important than anyone else.
Long story short, I couldn't take the egos, and I couldn't possibly afford to finish a degree in music there. Since I was never told that Music Theory 1 is only a fall course, and that no matter what your score is on the placement exam, you place in Theory 1, I'd be there an extra year and a half longer than I am supposed to be. Fuck that.
As an English Ed major, I am now 2.5 credits away from graduating on time. Well 5.5 since I just dropped the only music class I was taking this semester.
Just to put closure on this segment of my blog, to anyone who is in High School and actually reads this, don't go to college for music. Out of all of my friends, it basically only worked out well for one of them, and not to make excuses, but the kid is a prodigy.
Anyway...
I have been feeling stressed to the max lately. I think I am trying to do too many things at once. Basically, school is a nightmare. With the entire dilemma I mentioned above aside, it is just incredibly fucking difficult to manage school right now. I have to apply to redeclare as an English Ed, but first I need to do a whole bunch of bullshit for the English Department, and I have to start my application to the School of Ed. Which isn't going to be hard, I just don't have time to do it. I have to finish 20 hours of observation at the High School, which is actually a lot of fun, but I am observing gym, so I can't even get work done while I observe.
And on top of all of this, Bellwether is being pushed to the limit.
Now I am stoked beyond belief that BW is doing so many great things at the same time, I am in no way complaining about that. It's just so much to do on top of school.
So I have been pulling my hair out a little bit.
Finally,
Things have been getting better with Gina. We worked through a really tough time together, and I have to say that it really is a testament to our feelings for each other. I am willing to admit that I was responsible for a good portion of what happened to us. This blog is a perfect example of that. Similar to using FB statuses to convey emotions, I used this to vent them. Which helped for awhile. But the fact of the matter is, there is no substitute for actually talking problems out. I also understand now that this blog made some aspects of our relationship public that shouldn't have been, and understandably that made her upset and contributed to the problem.
So I am going to put my best for forward and try to use this blog as less of a crutch when it comes to relationship nonsense. I can't promise that some won't slip in, but at least I know I am going to make an effort to ween myself off of this.
Its kinda sad. We are all so disconnected through connection. Everyone is always somewhere else, even when they are right in front of you. Thats the beauty and horror of the internet and cell phones...
till next time...
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