Medi-o-core

This post is going to be really bland, so brace yourselves... for nothing (unless you read some of my other posts, the ones that I didn't promote publicly on twitter from my annual winter depression).

I have recently undergone somewhat of a life change recently. I have been acting a lot less like "Bilder" or "Sloppy Bob" and more like "Normal Andrew". Let me explain the difference between the 3.

Bilder:

You may know Bilder for a lot of different reasons. He's that guy in that band that takes his shirt off all the time. You know Valet Parking, The OverUnder, Bellwether. Or you know him as that guy who lights the shots on fire at parties and he always takes his shirt off. Or you know him as the guy who threw those naked orgy pool parties over the summer and talks about his sex life in vivid detail...

And he never has a shirt on.

This is who I am was most of the time. Loved music, pot, parties, weed, sex, ganja, masturbating, herb, drinking and mary jane. Hopeless romantic who was hardly ever single (still can't figure that one out). Tried to be a good guy but could easily come off as an asshole who had a big ego. Can't blame the guy though, he's like the best Bassist on Long Island. He loved to entertain his friends by getting nude and doing fucked up shit like skate in Jerry's basement. He would also eat/fuck anything.

Sloppy Bob:

If you ever went to a party with "Bilder" you have met Sloppy Bob. This guy is a big mess. He is who "Bilder" becomes after a few Flaming Dr. Peppers. He is loud, sexually provocative and an all around laugh riot. He always ends the night off by dipping his balls in some food. Its not a party unless Sloppy Bob shows up. And thats about it.

Normal Andrew:

Normal Andrew is who I am now. I love all the same things that "Bilder" loves, only I have toned it down a lot more.

Before I go on to explain...

Honorable Mention:

Brett Bretterson- See "Sloppy Bob" and add Hofstra athletic attire.

Now back to "Normal Andrew".

Last week I kind of just stopped being myself for some reason. I couldn't explain it at first. Things that I loved to do just didn't appeal to me the same way they once did. And it all happened at once; there was no gradually change. I stopped wearing hats, I stopped jerking off, I stopped eating. My sex drive isn't even the same. It's like my libido was just murdered. I was even less excited about playing music. It was weird.

I got a call from my friend Tina who I hadn't seen in forever and missed dearly a few days after I underwent this sudden change and decided to go meet up with her. I picked up Derek on the way to meet her in Bethpage and we smoked a joint on the way. Once we met up, we ran inside King Kullen and started to walk around cause it was freezing. Tina and I were catching up and of course it came to the point where she asked me how I was. Normally "Bilder" would blow this kind of question off and give some cop-out like "I'm doing well, can't complain. Just doing the whole life thing, you know?" but I really missed Tina and I actually do care about her and enjoy spending time with her and talking to her so I gave it some thought and thats when it hit me. Thats when I realized why I changed so quickly.

My life is pretty awesome. I won't lie. I have been privileged enough to play in 3 great bands that have all seen some sort of success, I have the best friends in the world and would die for them because my real friends are like family. I have a pretty awesome sex life and have been fortunate enough to meet a girl who can keep up, and sometimes even show me some things. My job is easy as fuck; I just sit and watch [adult swim] all the time. Why would I want to change any of this?

This is what I figured out.

I have been trying to avoid getting my life into a routine for so long, that I wound up falling into one anyway. I have been in a band since I was 11; thats 9 years, and I wouldn't change that, and I am NOT going to. I have jerked off almost everyday, sometimes multiple times a day, since 6th grade; age 12. I lost my virginity at 14 and have had sex with 7 girls, 3 of which were frequent, 1 still is frequent. and I wore a hat almost everyday for 6 years. I went on crazy awesome adventures numerous times since 2005. My life was so awesome that awesome has become boring. "Normal Andrew" is the result of years of having a kick-ass life for 2 decades.

It's like my body and my subconscious just knew that it was time to tone it down for awhile. So I did. And here I am now. Living life as a regular, everyday dildo.

I don't know how long "Normal Andrew" will be around. I don't know if "Bilder" will ever be back. If this is the end of an era; a chapter, in my life, then consider this a eulogy for "Bilder" and a brisk for "Normal Andrew". I don't know if I have any real opinion of who I want to stay around.

Thats about it. If you have read all of this, then thank you, I appreciate your interest and I will leave you with these parting words.

I still love music and all of my friends. I still love my girlfriend Gina and all of my band mates; present band and old. I love all the memories I have made over the years and I can't wait to make more. This is not swearing off everything that I was and everything that I stood for. I guess to put it simply I will quote Blink-182.

"I guess this is growing up"

Fuck you little princess, who the hell do you think you are?

I didn't post the link to this the last few times I wrote in it due to the fact that I was obviously terribly depressed and thinking irrationally. This time, I wont post it because once again I am thinking irrationally, only now I am more rage filled than anything. Fuck it, I may post this on twitter, I really want to. We'll see what happens after my rant.

I have been cutting down on the sexting I do with dumb girls. If you have ever spent anytime with me at around 9pm-2am on any given night then you know that a number of girls (usually still in High School) start texting ridiculous sexual fantasies to me. I never turn down the opportunity to take the ride with them till they cum or till I get bored. If only they knew what I was really doing when I say "My cock is so hard"; if only they knew that I was stoned off my ass in some basement or on some dock with all my friends laughing at them. I wonder what they would say if I told them that Hannah was typing for me when I was too busy to bother with them while I was watching [adult swim] or Weeds or Star Wars?

Now the reason I am typing this is not to confess that I take advantage of naive, hormone enraged High School girls. It is to vent how they make me want to scream. All of them don't see this for what it is on multiple levels. They don't seem to understand that its a rouse, which I guess means I did my job well, but now it has escalated to the point that they think I care about their lives. I don't. And what's worse is that they try to communicate on the same intellectual level as myself. They can't. It is horrifying how dumb they all are and yet have no idea.

If I was actually trying to get a nut off of these girls I would probably wind up killing myself. Having to explain what "get me off" means is not sexy. Typing "layed" instead of "laid" is not sexy. Its like they all think they are mature enough to be sexually active yet can't grasp the simple concepts of sex. I was more sexually savvy at 14 then these girls are at 16-18. And for awhile this made it so much more priceless. Like telling this girl that I wanted her to reach into a bucket of popcorn in a crowded movie theater to find my cock and then fuck her with everyone watching made all of my friends and I crack up when she responded back to me about how hot that would be, cluing to us that she was under the impression that I was serious.

But now its just annoying, because I am getting invited to proms and out to eat with them. They are coming to me with problems and dilemmas. And I just when I thought they couldn't be more dumb, I find myself explaining things like sarcasm and idiosyncrasies.

Well now I'm done. It was fun while it lasted, but I can't keep up the charade. If I have ever sexted with you, understand that there was a good chance I was with all of my friends and we all laughed at you. I am not sorry.

On a closing note, I have much better real sex than any of you girls could ever imagine up.