The bad dreams get worse every week, I think I'm losing a little of me

I sat alone in my car today and cried. I don't know why. I don't know why I get so sad around the holidays.

I went to bed last night, wanting to know what it would feel like to not wake up. I think tonight wont be too different.

I am happy I stopped posting the link to this on my twitter after each entry. It allows me to treat this like a journal, a real one. Cause no one really cares enough to go out of there way to read this. I have to put it out there. But now that I stopped, I don't need to curb myself anymore. I can be as pessimistic as I want. Nothing needs to make sense. I am just writing words. I am just typing what comes to mind. I am just slowly dying at my computer. Wasting every precious minute I could be spending with other people, alone, in my black room.

I noticed that I spend a lot of time playing solitaire in public; it's funny how even when I am surrounded by people, I am alone.

Negative Me.

I am in another funk. I have been feeling really irrational feelings. I have been having a hard time forming complete coherent thoughts. Sometimes I feel like I live each day as a suicide attempt. Nothing makes sense anymore. I feel like I have a hard time knowing people, but I am just having a hard time knowing myself. Who am I? I wonder.